Participation trophies for the Signal boys 💪

Big Trump hugs for the burnouts who planned a massacre in a chat room and cc’ed the media like a bunch of snoring grandpas 🏆

But—but—but Tucker Carlson promised Trump would take the throne. He would take off his belt. And he’d whip us all like little girls.

Sadly for Tucker, and any other MAGA fan craving a beating, Trump is handing out participation trophies instead. You get a trophy, and you, and you—the CIA Director, NatSec advisor, Defense Secretary, Treasury Secretary, V.P. J.D. Vance, and what the hay Squee—one for each of the subliterate burnouts who planned a massacre in a chat room and cc’ed the media like a bunch of snoring grandpas.

And yet. Mike Waltz, Trump’s NatSec advisor who seems to run the call, is “a good man,” Trump says. Not even a time-out. Go and keep sinning if you want, bud. That’s the meritocracy for you.

In the meat of the exchange, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, who is world-famous for alcoholism and lechery, retailed details of a murderous sneak attack by the Pentagon, using insecure commercial software, as a civilian journalist with zero clearance stood by.

And this has consequences. Meaning death. In spite of the lies that the attacks on Yemen are focused on individual Houthi leaders, these sloppily, recklessly executed strikes are taking the lives of non-combatants and certainly non-terrorists across the poorest nation in the Arab world where people are already dying of starvation.

Women and children are taking it the hardest. Of the 4.5 million people who are internally displaced people in Yemen, some 80 percent are women and children. Just one statistic about hunger: 1.4 million pregnant or breastfeeding women in Yemen now require treatment for acute malnutrition.

But the sloppy, gossipy, drunk Defense Secretary has clammed up on one thing: How many of Yemen’s suffering civilians have been killed in the strikes he authorized in his groupchat.