American Shame
This July 4th, don't get stressed. Get distressed.
It’s fun to make new holiday traditions.
This year for the Fourth of July, grab two fistfuls of Yiwu-made American flags from Family Dollar, razor the stars & stripes off the little pine dowel, and glue them back on upside-down to celebrate American Distress Day.
Good news: All of our fellow Americans know we’re in the sunken place. So no one at the barbie will reject the Distress Flag. Our MAGA brothers and sisters are distressed because they still hallucinate caravans of cat-eating phantoms. We are distressed because they are insane.
Also, Pride Month is over so let your Shame Flag fly instead.
However, if you must find some convincing reason to live, here are some:
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